The Cadenhead Family

One Year and Beyond

Tiffany — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 22:12:17 +0000

Sorry to neglect our blog. Having a toddler and almost 5-year old to take care of really keeps me busy these days. :)

Our little girl is doing great. She is at such a fun age, and has quite the personality! She began walking a week or so ago, and is just now getting confident with walking alone. Ian continues to be a very attentive, helpful big brother. It blesses my hear to see the two of them form their special relationship. I pray God brings us more children!

In March I am going to a retreat for adoptive moms called Created for Care. I am so excited to connect with hundreds of other moms who have a connection and love for adoption. There will be break-out sessions, fun events to meet other moms, and plenty of time to relax, too! My best friend is coming along with me, which makes the weekend extra special and exciting. I can’t wait to share stories and photos from my time there.

Here are some photos from the last few months:

One year

Tiffany — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 23:01:01 +0000

It’s official: our girl has been in this earth & in our lives for a year. I’ll keep this brief so I don’t get emotional :).

“It’s not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.”
– Joyce Maynard

Black Kids in White Houses

Tiffany — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 01:44:22 +0000

I’ve been doing a lot of praying, soul-searching, researching, asking, and reading about race in America since becoming a mixed race family. One thing that infuriates me in regards to race is how (many) white people disregard the importance of race by claiming to be ‘colorblind.’ Racial identity might not feel important to you if you are white, but we can’t deny we have benefited from being white, and to deny that racial inequalities exist only prolongs the cycle of denial and ‘white guilt.’ I am not perfect in any way, and I have so much to learn and can’t do so all on my own, but I acknowledge it is important to be honest and not just claim racial diversity/acceptance/understanding is important without acting on these things myself.

I really enjoyed this article about transracial adoption. They key, I think, is to be able to have open dialogue with people of other races/cultures without being so damn defensive.

Some paragraphs I felt were key:
Transracial adoption is awkward to discuss at first, because although it is designed to chart a radically integrated future, on the surface its structure repeats the segregated past. Just look at the basic structure of a family and apply race to the equation. The most crude way to put it: Whites are in charge, children of color are subordinate, and adults of color are out of the picture.

Gratefulness is the most powerful silencer in the adoption world. Even if a transracial adoptee breaks the silence to make a criticism about his or her experience, the immediate response always is: Would it have been better if you’d never been adopted? It’s a rhetorical cul-de-sac, a false runaround that continues to stifle conversations about more complicated subjects, like what’s the difference between a family that’s tolerant and one that’s actively antiracist, or why are there so many children of color adopted in the first place?

Click this link to read the article in full: Black Kids in White Houses

Intentional Living

Tiffany — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 20:26:17 +0000

As a transracial adoptive family, there is a source of information and wisdom I have found very important to tap into. Beyond the books and seminars, reading and studying the lives of other transracial adoptees has expanded my awareness of issues of race. Many adult adoptees share (through blogs or books) their past experiences of childhood and adolescence, & while many of them had very positive upbringings there are more still who speak of their ongoing struggles with race & identity.
Trying to be intentional about being a family who ‘walks the walk’, my husband & I have always felt it important to exist outside of the ‘white bubble.’ I grew up in a foreign country, and while I never experienced negativity for being a minority (at least not that I remember), I do remember what it felt like to be the only white person in certain group settings. After my family moved back to the states, although I was now racially in the majority, I can still recall feeling like an outsider (for our experiences DO shape us).
I grew up with friends of various racial and cultural backgrounds, and luckily it wasn’t until I was in junior high that I recall my first run in with racism. I struggled with being ‘too white’ in a predominately African American school, but when I transferred to an all white private school I was suddenly ‘not white enough’!
Biologically my family has 3 biracial members (caucasian & African American). The youngest, my son’s age, has no awareness or concept yet of racial identity. But the older two, both girls and ages 17 & 12, have struggled in different ways as they try to establish their unique identities. The oldest, who just graduated high school, embraces her African American culture only. She dresses a certain way, listens to rap, corn-rows her hair, and only has black friends. The younger girl has only embraced her Caucasian heritage. She straightens her hair, is highly involved in church and school activities (both her church & school are almost exclusively white), has all white friends and does not seem to identify with black culture at all. To be sisters they both have drawn very different conclusions to their question of ‘where do I belong?’ and ‘who am I?’
It has been a learning experience for me to watch them grow and develop differently, and I try to apply the lessons they’ve indirectly taught me as I parent a child of color.
Let me make my point: as parents of children of color let us not be foolish enough to disregard the need they WILL have to find their unique ‘identity’ in their specific race/culture. As a Christian, of course I do not think our outward appearances should be primary in defining oneself. But I can not deny that racial identity is very important to people of color & different cultural backgrounds. As a white mother with a black child, I will not raise my daughter as a ‘white’ child. She’s not white! By being unintentional in matters of race with both of my children, I would only be teaching them that their uniqueness is not important enough to receive my attention. I can’t ‘unintentionally’ teach a black child about black culture, because I am not black.
Love is NOT enough when it comes to raising an adopted child. Love is very important, but it must be met with trusted resources, support, wisdom and understanding. If you are blessed to have a child of a different race or cultural background, then you and I must be the ones who make ourselves the minority at times. Intentionally seek out friendships with those who share the same race/culture as your child, frequent the diverse city parks, enroll your child in a diverse school, attend a multi-racial church. In doing so we are showing our children that we honor and celebrate differences, and that racial identity is just as important to us as it is/will be to them.

9 months

Tiffany — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 21:40:30 +0000

Nevaeh is now 9 months old! I’m not quite ready for her to turn a year old so soon. Both of my children are growing so quickly. Motherhood can be quite bittersweet!

Official!

Tiffany — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 12:10:58 +0000

We went to court Monday morning and were granted full parental rights! We are now at the close of this adoption journey. We have been blessed beyond our wildest imaginations! God is too good to us; what a gift that we are parents of this beautiful little girl! We look forward to adopting again!

Light at the end of the tunnel!

Tiffany — Fri, 13 May 2011 20:28:05 +0000

The termination hearing went well Monday, and the chancellor terminated the birth fathers rights. Only another adoptive parent understands the sadness coupled with joy when your adoptive child becomes legally yours. Adoption is wonderful, but it is born from the painful reality of a child separating from their birth family.
We met with our wonderful lawyer today. We signed our petition to adopt, and in 30 days we should receive a date for court. There we will take an oath before a judge, and Nevaeh will legally become our child ! It will be as if she was born to us, which is such an awesome thought.
I am again gratefully reminded of how blessed me and my family have been because of adoption. When I look at my daughter I think of all the many faces who joined with us and made adoption a reality for us. I am forever grateful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

Meeting

Tiffany — Mon, 09 May 2011 17:39:04 +0000

We meet with our attorney Friday morning. Hopefully we will leave with a date set for court!

Termination hearing set

Tiffany — Fri, 06 May 2011 13:59:31 +0000

I received news yesterday that the court hearing is scheduled for Monday May 9th! This is the termination hearing for birth fathers rights. During this hearing our social workers and agency will testify on our behalf that adoption is in Nevaeh’s best interest. All of the post-placement follow-up they have done with us over the past 7 months wi be presented to the judge. We anticipate things to go well and for the birth fathers rights to be terminated during that hearing. This is the last piece we need in place so we can go to court ourselves and legally adopt Nevaeh! We have felt like her family the past 7 months, but it will be nice for the courts to recognize that and make us an official family on paper.

7 Months Old

Tiffany — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 15:52:42 +0000

Today marks 7-months of Nevaeh being in this world! Time has flown by; to think it was this time last year we were plowing through the paperwork and homestudy requirements. Many times a day I find myself whispering to God, ‘please give me more time.’. Already I see time with my babies as babies slipping away. I’m grateful for the time I have been given.

No word yet on a court date. I leave you instead with a few recent pictures.